1. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free. 2. Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge a**e … but enough about Kanye West. 3. Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier? 4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. 5. Dave Green: If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go. 6. Mark Nelson: Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas. 7. Tom Parry: Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day. 8. Alun Cochrane: The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves. 9. Simon Munnery: Clowns divorce: custardy battle. 10. Grace the Child: They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for.
I prefer the old Tim Vine one, "I finally had to sell my old hoover. Well, it was just gathering dust!" Mr. HandyAndy - Really
"Just been on a once in a life time holiday. Tell you what never again". Tim vine, master of the one liners.