Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by tonynoarm, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    I wonder what Mr Darling has in store for us this week?

    I cannot see any good news emerging despite the fact the general election can only be a matter of weeks away.
  2. ­

    ­ New Member

    I expect he will introduce a flat-rate of income tax for all. The first £20 a year will be tax free but taxed at 80% on every pound earned after that.

    Vat will be at 50%

    NIC will be quadrupled.

    Retirement age put back to 97 for men and 96 for women.

    Petrol will be £100 a pint (similar to a fine bwwwandy).

    None of the above will apply if you are an MP.
  3. Teuchter

    Teuchter New Member

    Depends on whether GB or Darling gets their way.

    GB is a cynical barsteward who really believes a few tasty 'give-aways' will swing it for him.

    Darling is a thoroughly decent bloke with his feet on the ground.

    (No, I don't have my fingers crossed/ tongue pressed in cheek/ smirk...)
  4. G Brown

    G Brown New Member

    Thanks DA :)
  5. Mr GrimNasty

    Mr GrimNasty Active Member

    Money, it's a crime
    Share it fairly
    But don't take a slice of my pie
  6. joinerjohn

    joinerjohn New Member

    "Darling is a thoroughly decent bloke with his feet on the ground."

    Well I somehow find that a bit hard to believe. He is after all an MP first.

    For the budget though, I reckon a VAT increase (to bring us in line with the rest of Europe), duty on beer, wines and spirits will go up (to help combat binge drinking). Darling will explain that this will mean 3p on the price of a pint, but by the time we buy it over the counter at the local it will be at least 10p if not more. Tobacco duty will go up , meaning at least another 50p on a packet of 20. Inheritance tax threshold will remain unchanged so even more people get stung when they inherit from their late their parents.
    National insurance threshold will be lowered and a new rate of NI will be introduced, as the government have become increasingly aware that very poor people can actually afford to buy 4 cans on special offer at Asda's once a month. This has to be discouraged (see binge drinking)
    To help stimulate growth however, VAT will be zero rated on manure and horticultural items bought from garden centres (please note,, There will be no mention of the manure we get daily from the Houses of Parliament).
    Finally a new tax on the air we breathe will be introduced. We will have to go to the doctors every 6 months for Spirometry tests to see how much we are breathing so the rate of taxation owed can be worked out. These tests will cost us around £75 a time, with at least half of this going to central government, to pay for the coordination of such a radical scheme.
  7. Mr GrimNasty

    Mr GrimNasty Active Member

    Don't forget we're gonna have to pay to die soon too.
  8. Mr GrimNasty

    Mr GrimNasty Active Member

    And a victim surcharge for suicide.
  9. joinerjohn

    joinerjohn New Member

    Good point Grimmy. A new Death Tax aimed at those who die suddenly, should raise a few million. Doubled for cases of suicide.
    A brand new Birth Tax could also be introduced. This would only apply to married couples with jobs though. Unmarried, or young schoolgirls would be exempt from this as they have no income apart from the social security giro.
    All married couples with jobs would be liable to a £1000 tax payment upon the birth of their first child. Subsequent children should attract a sliding scale of birth tax, £1500 for the second rising to a maximum of £10,000 for the seventh child.
    A new resettlement tax also should see the UK's borders secure. Anyone coming to the UK to work or seek employment, should pay at least £20,000 towards the cost of settling here. Administering this scheme will of course cost millions but should create thousands of jobs at a local level, thus improving employment prospects.
  10. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    This time tomorrow:

    Beer: Tax up
    Cigarettes: Tax up
    VAT: added to some currently exempt items
    NI: Up
    Car Tax: Up
    MOTs: Up

    We are basically fuxed up.
  11. Captain Leaky

    Captain Leaky New Member

    Nah, tomorrow will be sweet FA.

    The first budget AFTER the election...now that's a different proposition. :(
  12. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    Possibly, but there is no room for sweetners in this terms final budget.
  13. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    Tax on holiday insurance: Up

    Cost of Passports: Up

    Tax on Flying: Up
  14. joinerjohn

    joinerjohn New Member

    Well, Darling has stated that this will be a "workmanlike" budget. I suppose this means he's going to tax the working man to death. What really gets me is, year after year successive chancellors have stated that the main aim of their budget was to keep inflation under control! Yet the first thing they all did was to put the duty on fuel up. This had the knock on effect of raising the prices of everything we buy, as it all has to be transported at increased costs. Basic economics, on which all chancellors for the past 30 or 40 yrs have failed.
    Did any of them study mathematics at school or even economics at sixth form or uni??
  15. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    You have just got me thinking.

    Rising fuel prices do not mean the costs of goods should have to go up.
  16. Blimey.

    Blimey. New Member

    Rising fuel prices don't worry me cos I'm self obsessed.
  17. Mr GrimNasty

    Mr GrimNasty Active Member

    'Rising fuel prices do not mean the costs of goods should have to go up.'

  18. tonynoarm

    tonynoarm New Member

    Think about it, we are demanding less packaging on products, this reduces weight, less weight = less fuel.

    Or reducing packaging means less space is required, less space means more goods can be carried.

    Hauliers are streamlining their vehicles to reduce drag and therefore reduce fuel consumption, engines are becoming more efficient.

    I know it cannot apply in all cases, however I doubt if any benefits are passed to the consumer. As I say, it was just a thought.
  19. Mr GrimNasty

    Mr GrimNasty Active Member

    Keep thinking - I love the smell of desperation.
  20. The Trician

    The Trician New Member

    "Think about it, we are demanding less packaging on products,..."

    Oh really?

    And how successful have those demands been?

    I've heard ducks fart before.


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