Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by koolpc, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    How many (if any at all) have you been through a divorce?

    Wife has been to see a solicitor for advice.

    We want to part amicably but it looks like a minefield to go through! I know i will need to seek legal advice too.

    She has been told that she cannot file under 'adultery' as that happened 2 years ago now.

    We have one child 10yr old.

    Wife is bread winner (I am looking for part time work, nights so i can be there in day for child).

    Any good advice? I have looked on various 'divorce' websites but so confusing.

  2. PaulBlackpool

    PaulBlackpool Screwfix Select

    Yes .Over 30 years ago. But my circumstances were different to yours. You will need a solicitor. But first I would make an appointment to see an expert at Citizen's Advice Bureau.
    For everybody's sake , particularly the child keep things amicable.
    I presume from what you have said before that you have considered all your options including mediation.
    Divorce is not easy particularly where children are involved and even if you both remarry and have children by your new partners it will never really go away completely.
    Get professional advice but try to keep talking to make sure what your continuing options are and try to assess what is best for all three of you.
    PS I really don't think trawling the web will help you.
    There must be quite a few guys on here who have gone through it and I for one will try to help.
  3. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    Yep been there done that, still waiting for decree absolute to come through!

    We did things fairly amicably, went through mediation first with Relate, that was worthwhile and got us to the point (or me in fact) of deciding that divorce was definitely the only option. We then did Solicitor mediation where we both pay for one solicitor to act as mediator between us to sort things out. If you choose mediation, you will save a lot of cost as you work through the process and issue together. You will then each need separate solicitors for the last bit once the Finances and other arrangements have been agreed.
  4. Kools :(

    I guess you've tried everything, then?

    Paul's "For everybody's sake , particularly the child keep things amicable" must surely ring louder than anything else?

    Are things amicable at the moment? Do you think you can come to a resolve over what you both own and share at the moment? Do you think you can agree on things like access to your daughter?

    If 'yes' to that, then try and sit down and write it all out in a way that you can both agree to - and then a 'solicitor' will only be needed to 'rubber stamp' it all? (I'm guessing...)

    She's the breadwinner? Ok, but that shouldn't mean she holds all the aces. If things were the other way around, then it somehow wouldn't be questioned - the man's the breadwinner but the wife must be entitled to a continuation in her standard of living... Well, it's equal rights these days, so it applies to you to.

    But... You would need to show that you are prepared to take on ultimate responsibility for yourself. This shouldn't be too hard - you are clearly good at DIY, so 'all' you really need to get back on your feet is enough for a flat that needs work. Are there enough assets to allow that? Ie - enough for her to have a home with the kid (I presume that's the main intention?) and for you to have a place too?

    Yes, I know that - in theory - it should be a 50:50-ish split, but you may need to compromise more that this if you want to keep it amicable. You can both start arguing the toss - via your solicitors - that "she's the breadwinner..." but "you have contributed to the house's value..." but she's etc etc etc, but you know where that's going to lead... :oops:

    So, if you could get clear in your head what you need to survive on, and to allow you to get your act together on your own, and if this is a wee fraction less that she is 'expecting' from you, then that would/should be a good relatively easy ride to an amicable settlement.

    I don't know if that is actually realistic or not, but it's chust my thoughts.
  5. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    No mortgage. House in both names. Some savings too. Our daughter knows what is happening as we always kept her informed.

    Wife wants to stay in house but cant see how as the money needs to be split 50/50

    Things are amicable.

    I dont want to spend a fortune on solicitors.
  6. Joe95

    Joe95 Screwfix Select

    Are you taking the battened wall with you, or do you take half and leave the rest to her? :p
  7. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Wife just said she has nothing to say to me when i asked her to talk about things so it looks like things will have to go the solicitor route! :(
  8. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    The starting point for split of assets is 50/50, assets including the house, savings, pensions, everything. If you're married, everything is jointly owned.

    50/50 is a starting point, the needs of the child come to the fore so if the Mrs is keeping sproglet, then she will have greater needs and get a larger share. However those greater needs won't be forever, so you have a case for saying that at some point in time you get a proportion of the assets back (e.g. she keep the house until sprog is 21, then house is sold and proceeds shared).

    There is also income to consider, if Mrs is the main breadwinner there may be a case for her paying your spousal maintenance. This would be an interim step though, giving you time to earn a decent wage to keep yourself independent of her.
  9. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    Solicitors cost money, they will cost you both money and lots of it. Does she really want to spend this on Solicitors?

    You may be able to get financial support for a solicitor aka legal aid, depending on your situation.
  10. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    I would be looking after daughter in the day and hopefully doing evening work. We both want to split the week where daughter stays.
  11. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    We have good savings so cant see legal aid being available
  12. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    I've been divorced twice. (now married for the last time) Last divorce I did myself . Downloaded all the paperwork needed. Printed forms off, filled em in and took them to court with the requisite fees and a few months later, the decree nisi came through. Paid the fees for the decree absolute and a few weeks later I was free to marry again. Total cost for my DIY divorce was somewhere around £400,,, But,, there was no property or offspring issues and we had been separated for more than 5 yrs.
    Trust me Kools, things are always "amicable",,, until solicitors get involved. Then it's going to turn very nasty mate. Your wife want's to stay in the house. As you have a child, in court, she's gonna get preference for the marital home.

    Get ready to pay a solicitor a shed load of money. (they are the only people I know who have a licence to actually print money) ;);)
  13. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Thing is, i have been the stay at home parent.
  14. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    Kools ....seek professional advice.....this is something you will not get on the Screwfix forum, someone did that, someone did this, you want to do this you should have done that, is not the advice you need..........................tie up all the loose ends to avoid a claim on you years down the road.

    This thread could be bigger than your 'God' post:rolleyes:
    PaulBlackpool likes this.
  15. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Cheers, i will. Hoping to get advice next week. I know they offer free consultations.
  16. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    Yes, I believe it's free for the first 20- 30 minutes.
  17. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    paj likes this.
  18. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    That's only my experience though, so probably not all have the same limitations.;)
  19. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    As Astra says , contact a solicitor and make sure you get the free 1/2hr consultation. Shop around for the consultation though as not all solicitors offer it.
  20. Phil the Paver

    Phil the Paver Screwfix Select

    Not totally true, I wasn't married and was left with two children (8 & 9 years old), she had an affair, courts still ruled that despite not paying a penny towards the mortgage she was entitled to half, but worse than that, I had to pay her costs of 10 thou. :mad::mad::mad:

    It's all how the judge on the day sees it.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice