Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by koolpc, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. sospan

    sospan Screwfix Select

    A mate of mine had the same situation with his wife, but he made the mistake of letting her have the house and set up a new home before the separation was finalised - and she claimed half of that as well .... :mad:

    Funniest one, was a work colleague who came home from work one day to find a note that his wife had left him. During the day she had emptied the house of everything bar the bed, one chair, one plate, one knife, one fork, one cup etc. Somebody asked him how did he feel - he said the first thing was - How big is house was now, without all her c@@p in it.
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2017
  2. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    One thing you will need to sort out kools is who is going to divorce who and on what grounds. Otherwise it ain't gonna happen.
  3. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    I know. I may start the proceedings. Adultery was 2 years ago so that cannot be used by her but if she wanted to say it was last week so be it! I dont care.
  4. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    But therein lies the problem, you can't be the petitioner if the reason is your adultery. She would have to be the petitioner in order to cite your adultery as the reason. Getting divorced is not that simple, alas.
  5. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    I know. I was just saying that she could not site divorce as it happened 2 years ago.

    I can divorce her due to how our life is together. She was bothered about siting adultery as the cause.
  6. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    There are 5 reasons for divorce so one of you has to choose one and be the petitioner on this basis
    • Adultery.
    • Desertion.
    • Unreasonable Behaviour.
    • 2 years separation with consent.
    • 5 years separation without consent.

    "Irreconcilable differences" is not a reason.

    I wasn't aware that adultery had a time limit, I would confirm this if I were you. The only other option I think is unreasonable behaviour and evidence would need to be provided that demonstrates this.
  7. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Thanks. I have looked into it over the last few days. Adultery has a time limit if one has still lived with the same person for 6 months or so after the adultery.

    If the wife wants to say i committed adultery last week to get the divorce then thats fine with me as a divorce is the only outcome in this relationship. The 'other' party would only be sent info if 'named' on the divorce.

    Unreasonable behaviour would be the one i would go for. Got an appointment next week with a solicitor!
  8. Kools, take a step back and chill.

    If your wife wanted to say you committed adultery last week, that's ok with you? Assuming, er, that you didn't, then that's not a good move.

    Why? Because it's barlocks.

    You need to be MATURE, HONEST, dignified, respectful. Or how else is your daughter meant to look at her dad from now on?

    If you need to pick from that list, then surely '2 years with consent' is the one to go for? That would demonstrate it involves two adults behaving in an adult way, having come to the conclusion they no longer want to spend the rest of their lives together and who wish to separate in a dignified and reasoned manner. Which is what you should, surely, be looking for?

    Do you know what your wife wants out of this? Do you know what you want out of this? If so, sit down and talk it through. You say you have savings? They will be seriously diminished if you take the wrong tack - and that applies to your wife too.

    Perhaps that will help focus her mind - these savings are presumably in a joint account, or at least you are both 'entitled' to it? So if you BOTH need to hire solicitors, then watch that money disappear.


    One last call on her common sense - tell her gawd is looking down and judging her behaviour in this... :rolleyes:
    KIAB likes this.
  9. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Wife wants divorce. 100%. She wont talk. Unreasonable behaviour i will go with as there is nothing good left in the marriage. She hates me 100%.

    I did commit adultery as mentioned on these forums before. Apparently she cannot use that as we still together 2 years after that happened. If i came out and told her i was still having an affair then she would go for the adultery route.

    She wants us to go our separate ways. If she wont talk then it will have to go through the vultures!

    It needs closure now as it is making me ill. Stressed out massively! I even downed quite a few painkillers last friday evening!! Suffice to say i was surprised when i woke up! Stupid and cowardly i know. When you reach the depths anything is better than being down here!
  10. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    I believe to gain divorce by adultery you will have to name the person whom the act took place with and this name will be included in the paperwork.
  11. Jeepers, Kools.

    You DO know that this will all pass, don't you? You WILL look back on this as a hellish time, but it WILL pass and you WILL be able to get on with your life.

    If NOTHING else, don't land anything like that on your daughter for krysts sakes :( What a burden - you simply cannot do that.

    You've been through low times before, and you've found better times afterwards - like having a friendly discussion on gawd on here... cough.

    Seriously, go the 2 year route. Certainly DON'T add LIES in to this hellish mix - you WILL regret it.

    YOU be the REASONABLE one. Throughout.
  12. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Tonight, wifes comes home and states that she 'doesn't' want a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Ruddy hell. But, in the future yes!!! She is ruddy using me as i am a house husband. Nice and convenient for her! She said if i file for divorce she wont accept it!!

    If i leave, i will have nowt. Separation is a no no. I would need the house to be sold and savings split so that i can start again.

    What a nightmare.
  13. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    Only initially, make a fresh start get out meet new people, could be a breath of fresh air. ;)
    Deleted member 33931 likes this.
  14. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    Nightmare situation at present. Dont know which way to turn now.........
  15. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    Kools...the wheel of life has many spokes!
  16. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    True. I dont have many spokes left though!

    I hate my life so much................Its extremely difficult at the moment.

    You know, some may scoff, but the only thing i have, besides my gorgeous daughter is God! My faith.

    I wish my wife could love me again but she is positive that she wont / cant. I see no future for myself.
  17. Jitender

    Jitender Screwfix Select

    How many :eek:
  18. koolpc

    koolpc Screwfix Select

    About 40..........not enough! :(
  19. PaulBlackpool

    PaulBlackpool Screwfix Select

    Kools , I don't scoff about your faith. I appreciate the Catholic Church tries not to recognise divorce but have you spoken to your priest about all this? You really need to speak to someone on a one a one to one basis.
    When I went through it I was helped by the few friends I had. I even went to the pub , got pished and found men in a similar position to talk to. You won't be able to see it at the moment but you will come through this a stronger and happier person.
    I remarried. It is our 32nd wedding anniversary today. I have a son by my first marriage and a daughter by my second who are both happily married. We have had problems with serious illness that I don't want too go into on here but everybody has
    some problems. Not being funny if you have taken an overdose it is not making you ill , you are ill. Take my advise , make an appointment and go and see your GP or go to A & NOW. You need more help than you can get on here.
    But please keep talking.
    PS I was in this state nearly 50 years ago and my GP referred me to a psychiatrist who I paid on a private basis. Get your credit card ready.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
    Deleted member 33931 likes this.
  20. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    The 2 years separation requires both people to be formally separated for 2 years, that hasn't happened yet, it hasn't even started!

    For adultery, the other person does not have to be named.

    If kools want to take this forwards and "force" the divorce, I think "unreasonable behaviour" is the only way to go.

    But as has been said above, find a good solicitor and get good advice. It will costs, but there is no other option I think.
    Deleted member 33931 likes this.

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