Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by koolpc, Nov 3, 2016.
Undoubtedly a lot of truth in what you say there, Picco.
It's surely a balance, tho', when deciding what's best for a child when a couple don't get on any more. This is a bit simplistic since every situation will be different (some kids are more vulnerable and insecure than others, for example), but if the couple can 'get along' with a decent level of civility, then I would suggest it would be much better for their child if they continue to do so.
The consequences of them separating can be truly awful - making these pitiful arrangements for 'visits' and contact time, each partner struggling to make ends meet and coping with the increased family work load, bickering every time they meet, one partner criticising the other to the child, the child missing whichever parent is not always at home, this child having to meet - and get along with - each partner's new 'flame'...
If one - or both - partners really struggles to make ends meet after the separation, that is not going to put them in a good frame of mind to remain positive when they are in the company of their child.
Family break-ups are hellish.
But, of course, if things are becoming too tense in the home - bad arguments, constant bickering, deep foul moods; if the two parents cannot agree to 'get along' for the sake of the child - then there will almost certainly come a point where it's less bad for the child if they do separate.
And then all the really bad things can begin...
Children are amazingly resilient, tho', and can cope with what most of us would consider pretty dysfunctional parents! How many times have you seen (how many families do you know...) really poor parenting on show - the snarling mum with her child "STOP THAT!" "Get over here!" "SHUT UP!" or the dad dragging their kid along - "Get a bludy move on!"?
And, if you know that child, they are still astonishingly happy and seemingly well balanced. It takes a hell of a lot to really disturb most children.
Poor little bar stewards.
I understand now.
Man, that is inspired talk. (Er, I'm guessing you are a man, aren't you...?)
Welcome to the forum, and I'm absolutely delighted that your daughter is getting on so well and fulfilling her dream. (Er, I'm completely guessing this has been her dream for some time...)
And if you can be so understanding of your ex-partner/husband's situation too, what a further lesson in life that is for your daughter.
I hope your relocation turns out as you hope, and you don't miss too much where you were before, even if it were - let's chust pluck a place out of the air - somewhere wonderful like Devon.
Very best wishes - if you keep on with such a positive and clear-thinking attitude, all will be very well indeed
That other Dev?
Pah - he's a complete ba.
Piccolillllllli / Chutney / same person me thinks that used to begin with a P ..... Branston / Red Onion Marmalade / Gentlemans Relish / etc
Can only be a matter of time
Seems like, da's, in a bit of a 'pickle'. ;-)
Still lacking in mental aptitude(DA) though.
Life is pathetic people. I hate mine! Truly i do. 52 and what a pathetic life
Every day i wish i would not wake up!
No! Not on the pop! Just typing my thoughts!
Don't be daft, man.
Who'd be there too make your daughter laugh and smile?
Only dad can do that, most mothers are useless when it comes too silliness.
Thanks.................Going through a stressful time. Ignore me
Regretting not using insulated board's, already?
That was quick.
That bad, Kools? Really?
I know you have your family problems, but - man - do you best to get a sense of perspective.
52 is a tricky age - the mind can play tricks. You start to really consider your mortality, that opportunities have passed by that were open to you 10, 20, 30 years previously. That things cannot change.
But that's all barlocks. And, in any case, things don't have to change to be better.
When you consider that there's a pretty nifty chance that you -and I - will likely reach well in to our 80s, then we are actually not much beyond half way through .
But, I know you have commitments, and reasons why you cannot make any drastic changes. So, actually, thank your lucky stars that's the case and try and accept that for the next 5+ years you are going to be roughly where you are now . So, knowing that you cannot jump ship, what instead can you do to make things better for you?
I guess it's try and expand your own life. That means a life outside your family unit during times when they don't actually 'need' you - ie school time!
What do you do during the day? Every day? Well, time to do something different for at least one or two of these days.
That could be as simple as Google 'walks around X' where X is your area. Make sure that there's at least one pub en route. Then shove a £iver in yer pocket, wrap up warm, and offski you go for at least 4 hours. If you have a camera, take it with you.
What else? Well, you can drive, can't you? Got a D1 on your license? Cool. Well search for your local council and/or charities and offer your services as a community minibus driver. Get out there and help people. (Man, that'll make you glad you are only 52...). Look at other options to help charities out locally - there will be something there for you. And many things that ain't you. But that's fine - choose the ones that are.
Kools, you are committed to where you are. Accept that. Make the best of it - don't be tetchy or impatient or intolerant or nuffink - even if you have every 'right' to be. If it ain't going to change things betwixt you and 'er - and you seem to believe that's a hopeless case - then get on with being a benevolent and thoughtful cove. And when you've done that - through gritted teeth if necessary - then make time for yourself.
Lose yourself in some good books. Hint - anything by Bill Bryson. 'A Short History of Nearly Everything' is incredible. As is 'At Home'. Honest to gawd, you won't believe how good these books are. Get ready to chuckle quietly to yourself and go "Wow - that is incredible".
Better still, take them with you on your walks, and settle in to a festive pub with a roaring log fire and a frothing pint of dark malty ale - and nod to yourself that, really, you are bludy lucky to be alive in THIS country and at THIS time.
It's "Cheers" you idiot
Chears as in
Separate names with a comma.