Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by screwfix, Dec 24, 2010.

  1. screwfix

    screwfix Guest

    Any good 'uns?:)
  2. removed 7

    removed 7 New Member

    And some fell on stony ground.............

    St Mark 4:5
  3. Darn. I woz going to keep all the jokes collected over Chrimbo - they were all crackers.
  4. Crowsfoot

    Crowsfoot Screwfix Select

    A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much" will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about £100?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.' Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes', the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.' Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £100.00 and handed it to her along with an extra tenner tip.

    'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'
  5. Crowsfoot

    Crowsfoot Screwfix Select

    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."   The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic!"   "OK" the Nun says "Pull into the next alley."   The Nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.   "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"   "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."   The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Jeff and I'm going to a Halloween party."
  6. Removed 4

    Removed 4 New Member

    Nice ones, Crowsfoot.... A bit 'wordy' though.  I prefer the short ones such as the Eskimo who backed out of his igloo and got a chap on his bottom.....

    Iniuit innit?

    Lucia x
  7. joiner1959

    joiner1959 Active Member

    What's the best cheese to use to hide a horse?

  8. Mr. Handyandy

    Mr. Handyandy Screwfix Select

    I hope the jokes get better than this, otherwise I'm off to the library!

    Mr. HandyAndy - Really
  9. screwfix

    screwfix Guest

    ha ha.

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