Lets get this group moving...

Discussion in 'Engineers' Talk' started by unphased, Dec 5, 2003.

  1. unphased

    unphased Screwfix Select

    I am thinking of building a bridge across the local river...should it be a suspension bridge, a two pinned arch, a threepinned arch, cantilever, timber, steel, brick, plastic (uPVC of course)

    I have not yet ordered the materials so its not too late

    it will be a footbridge only

    The council dont know yet, will I need planning
  2. supersparky

    supersparky New Member

    uve lost it....

  3. Charlie Far!ey

    Charlie Far!ey New Member

    Stop it unphased you're scaring me now! It's late and I wont get to sleep if I felt you were being serious

  4. kesh

    kesh New Member

    I need more details before I can reply.

    Please specify width of river & details of footbridge.

    i.e. step distance & shoe size of likely transverser's.

    It would also be helpful if you could tell me what colour shoes they would likely to be wearing.

    I await your replies in anticipation.
  5. chucks

    chucks New Member

    You don't need planning so long as you don't build on the banks. Suspension would be best, then, if you can find something suitable to hang it from.
  6. Pugley

    Pugley Member

    I have an eco-friendly solution to the problem:-

    If we all save the bubble wrap and air bags that come with our screwfix orders we could send it to unphased so he could build a recycled pontoon bridge..............

    Then the plumbers, electricians, carpenters and builders could walk on water - just like they all say they can!!!
  7. unphased

    unphased Screwfix Select

    ...okay so far...just delayed while I do a spot of fishing..love dangling me rod over the water
  8. Lightning McQueen

    Lightning McQueen New Member

    Don't forget to consider lateral excitation!
    You don't want another wobbly bridge like that one in London village.
  9. sparky (Original)

    sparky (Original) New Member

    are you mad
    remind me never to cross that river.
  10. marc

    marc New Member

    if you name the bridge nelson mandella bridge you dont need planning permission,but to make sure have a bench at the other end that is dedicated to homeless black lesbians,hope this helps
  11. unphased

    unphased Screwfix Select

    thanks for all your help..I decided not to go ahead in the end...I tunnelled under it. Still a bit leaky but working on it...:|
  12. Gotcher

    Gotcher New Member

    Stop fannying around. Just take an axe or chainsaw and find a suitable tree close to the river bank. Lop off any branches that are in the way of crossing and you are done.

    No planning permission required (though try to make the area where you cut the trunk look as though a couple of hungry beavers fancied a snack just to be sure - beavers don't need any planning permission).

    And don't get hung up because someone mentioned beaver....

  13. Dewy

    Dewy New Member

    Notice unphased didnt say the width of the river.
    A builder plank might be long enough (well oiled of course)
    Or it could be much wider & I dont know of any trees 300yards (oops 274.2 m) tall. lol
  14. Gotcher

    Gotcher New Member

    Actually you are right, he didn't specify the width of said river. Damn, I wish I could remember to get the full spec before I issue a quote for a job ;)

    Probably best to forget about the bridge then. Maybe phone up Tony Blair instead to see if he can loan you a pair of shoes? He walks on water.....

  15. The Trician

    The Trician New Member

    Phone up WHO? You mean owd Teflon-Bottom:)

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