Oops!

Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by WillyEckerslike, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. WillyEckerslike

    WillyEckerslike Well-Known Member

    Did you hear about the fellow who misread his viagra instructions?

    He took twenty, minutes before sex.....
     
    Deleted member 33931 likes this.
  2. Jord86

    Jord86 Well-Known Member

    Dyslexic robber runs into a bank. "Air in the hands Mother Stickers, this is a fxxk up!!"
     
  3. WillyEckerslike

    WillyEckerslike Well-Known Member

    I can't claim this - I think it was Frank Muir on a radio quiz answering the question "What does DNA stand for?" Answer - National Dyslexia Association.
    Apologies to Dyslexics if that offends.
     
    Deleted member 33931 likes this.
  4. Jord86

    Jord86 Well-Known Member

    Don't worry Willy, even if it doesn't offend I can't see this thread lasting long.....

    Me and my new girlfriend both suffer from dyslexia, we've been trying our favourite position for a few weeks now but seem to be struggling, how does a 96 work again?
     
    btiw2 and DIYDave. like this.
  5. The Teach

    The Teach Well-Known Member

    I always believe in going the extra mile. That’s probably why I lost my job as a train driver.
     
    btiw2 likes this.
  6. facilities

    facilities Guest

    My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

    girlfriend yet.
     
  7. facilities

    facilities Guest

    Conjunctivitis.com Now there’s a site for sore eyes
     
  8. Astramax

    Astramax Well-Known Member

    My wife suffers terribly from hay fever so I bought her a large bunch of flowers to cheer her up.
     
  9. Jord86

    Jord86 Well-Known Member

    A recent survey suggests that when showering, 70% of females prefer l'oreal shampoo over other brands.

    99% of females interviewed also stated "HOW THE FXXX DID YOU GET IN HERE!!!???
     
    DIY womble and btiw2 like this.
  10. facilities

    facilities Guest

    A wife says to her husband: "You’re always pushing me around and

    talking behind my back".

    He says: "What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair".
     
  11. fillyboy

    fillyboy Well-Known Member

    My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you,he is in Prison.
     
  12. retiredsparks

    retiredsparks Well-Known Member

    Bought a chameleon last week.. Lost it.

    The Forbidden Fruit in Scotland...is fruit.
    RS
     
    btiw2 likes this.
  13. facilities

    facilities Guest

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

    So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
     
  14. facilities

    facilities Guest

    I’m distraught, the mrs only went out for a bottle of milk 4 days ago and she’s not been back, a good friend of mine asked me am I coping, well yes I am I’m using The powdered stuff
     
  15. fillyboy

    fillyboy Well-Known Member

    In the Pub earlier I was telling that age old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer: throw in your washing.


    Anyway, having told it earlier, a bloke tapped me on the shoulder and said “that's really not very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”


    I said “I'm really sorry mate. Did he drown?”


    “No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”
     
  16. longboat

    longboat Well-Known Member

    Don't take the mickey out of a retarded dwarf.

    It's not big and it's not clever.
     
    Deleted member 33931 and btiw2 like this.
  17. fillyboy

    fillyboy Well-Known Member

    Getting lost in a multi storey carpark, wrong on so many levels.
     
    WillyEckerslike likes this.
  18. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    I’ve been so lonely since the wife left. To cheer myself up, I’ve blown a thousand pounds on hookers, drugs and booze..................I bet the wife’ll throw one of her hissy fits when she gets off night shift in the morning.
     
  19. koolpc

    koolpc Well-Known Member

    Friend of mine went into the docs and she asked the doc how can she get bigger boobs?

    Doc gave her some toilet roll and told her to keep rubbing it on her boobs 4 times a day.

    She was shocked and asked how does that work?

    Doc said looking at the size of your butt i would think it will work a treat!
     
  20. Harry Stottle

    Harry Stottle Active Member

    Don't worry Willy, as soon as it gets outside to the wider world, there's be loads of people taking offence, they'll be "shocked" and "traumatised"
     
    Dr Bodgit likes this.

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