Oops!

Dyslexic robber runs into a bank. "Air in the hands Mother Stickers, this is a fxxk up!!"

 

Don't worry Willy, even if it doesn't offend I can't see this thread lasting long.....

Me and my new girlfriend both suffer from dyslexia, we've been trying our favourite position for a few weeks now but seem to be struggling, how does a 96 work again?

 

I always believe in going the extra mile. That’s probably why I lost my job as a train driver.

 

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend yet.

 

Conjunctivitis.com Now there’s a site for sore eyes

 

My wife suffers terribly from hay fever so I bought her a large bunch of flowers to cheer her up.

 

A recent survey suggests that when showering, 70% of females prefer l'oreal shampoo over other brands.

99% of females interviewed also stated "HOW THE FXXX DID YOU GET IN HERE!!!???

 

A wife says to her husband: "You’re always pushing me around and

talking behind my back".

He says: "What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair".

 

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you,he is in Prison.

 

Bought a chameleon last week.. Lost it.

The Forbidden Fruit in Scotland...is fruit.
RS

 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

 

I’m distraught, the mrs only went out for a bottle of milk 4 days ago and she’s not been back, a good friend of mine asked me am I coping, well yes I am I’m using The powdered stuff

 

In the Pub earlier I was telling that age old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer: throw in your washing.


Anyway, having told it earlier, a bloke tapped me on the shoulder and said “that's really not very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”


I said “I'm really sorry mate. Did he drown?”


“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”

 

Don't take the mickey out of a retarded dwarf.

It's not big and it's not clever.

 

Getting lost in a multi storey carpark, wrong on so many levels.

 

I’ve been so lonely since the wife left. To cheer myself up, I’ve blown a thousand pounds on hookers, drugs and booze..................I bet the wife’ll throw one of her hissy fits when she gets off night shift in the morning.

 

Friend of mine went into the docs and she asked the doc how can she get bigger boobs?

Doc gave her some toilet roll and told her to keep rubbing it on her boobs 4 times a day.

She was shocked and asked how does that work?

Doc said looking at the size of your butt i would think it will work a treat!

 

Don't worry Willy, as soon as it gets outside to the wider world, there's be loads of people taking offence, they'll be "shocked" and "traumatised"