Oops!

The only time me and missus hold hands is when she is taking money out if it

 

A bird pooed on my windscreen last night; that’s the last time I’m taking her out

 

They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing

but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw

20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.

 

Talking of Camouflage clothes ive got some for sale, make me an offer.

 

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver

was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to

myself "that guy's heading for a breakdown".

 

Fantastic I’ll give you a tenner for the jacket on the far left

 

Sold.

 

Dogging?

 

You have plenty left, reduce the price!

 

A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him

over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.

 

That is very funny

 

See yer not all bad not matter what everyone else on here thinks (except Jack)

 

That is not funny.

 

Sorry Peter

 

Like Jong-un and Trump, my finger is poised...

 

I see.

 

Hopefully not on the self destruct button.

 

A friend asked me if I wanted to go bungee jumping. I told him that a broken rubber brought me into this world, but I’m sure as hell not going to let it take me out!

 

I didn't your penis was that small.

 

I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with

2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered

again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!