Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by WillyEckerslike, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Devil's Advocate

    Devil's Advocate Well-Known Member

    If you 'get lucky', please - pleeeeeeeeze - no details.
  2. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    Could well be, but he hasn’t been for the test yet. :p:p:p
    Devil's Advocate likes this.
  3. Devil's Advocate

    Devil's Advocate Well-Known Member

  4. The Teach

    The Teach Active Member

    Is scrumping a real crime? I don’t think so, but
    the security guard at the Apple Store seems to
    think otherwise...
    Jord86 likes this.
  5. facilities

    facilities Well-Known Member

    Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote The Hokey Cokey, died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in … and then the trouble started.
  6. Harry Stottle

    Harry Stottle Active Member

    Chatting with my mates in the pub, I mentioned that I still enjoy regular sex at 67 although I live at no 43.
  7. fillyboy

    fillyboy Well-Known Member

    Very good Harry, I used to think I was pretty good in bed, till I found out the wife had asthma.
  8. Harry Stottle

    Harry Stottle Active Member

    A mate in the pub said "when you're having it off with the missus in the front room, pull the curtains together because on Tuesday evening the darts team were watching you and they thought it was really funny" I said "Well the jokes on them because I was away working up north last Tuesday evening"
    WillyEckerslike likes this.
  9. The Teach

    The Teach Active Member

    Met this girl at a party; she said people called her Vivaldi. I asked, “Is that because you’re a brilliant violinist?” She said, “No, it’s because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi.” :)
  10. facilities

    facilities Well-Known Member

    I made my wife's dream come true when we got married in a castle, But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around during the ceremony.
    The Teach likes this.
  11. The Teach

    The Teach Active Member

    My girlfriend went to the doctors; he told her that she mustn’t touch anything alcoholic... So she’s left me! :(
  12. WillyEckerslike

    WillyEckerslike Well-Known Member

    This lad's missus asked him, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”

    Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
    Jord86 likes this.
  13. WillyEckerslike

    WillyEckerslike Well-Known Member

    This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

    We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic."

    I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now," I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge"

    "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, my teeth not as white and jowls like a Great Dane!

    She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

    Then she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to **** off.
  14. Bob Rathbone

    Bob Rathbone Active Member

    Just like the dyslexic pimp who brought a warehouse in Soho. Maybe we should stop now.
  15. Astramax

    Astramax Well-Known Member

    My wife says I make love like an animal.............................................................................a sloth is an animal isn't it?
  16. facilities

    facilities Well-Known Member

  17. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Well-Known Member

    I tried to re-marry my ex-wife she figured out I was only after my money.
  18. Harry Stottle

    Harry Stottle Active Member

    They say wine improves with age. It's true, the older I get the more I like it.
  19. facilities

    facilities Well-Known Member

    Hey i'm trying the whiskey diet, I've lost 3 days already :)
  20. facilities

    facilities Well-Known Member

    I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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