Oops!

Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by WillyEckerslike, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. WillyEckerslike

    WillyEckerslike Screwfix Select

    Why do divers go backwards out of boats?

    Because if they went forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
     
  2. facilities

    facilities Guest

    I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
     
  3. The Teach

    The Teach Screwfix Select

    Tip of the day... Never trust an electrician with frizzy hair!
     
  4. goldenboy

    goldenboy Super Member

    My midget mate just got pickpocketed. How can anyone stoop so low?
     
    ManTheVan likes this.
  5. Astramax

    Astramax Super Member

    Sounds familiar! :D:p;)
     
  6. retiredsparks

    retiredsparks Super Member

    Last weeek in Spain, I was involved in a rather nasty unprovoked mugging.
    On the plus side...i did make a few quid out of it.:cool:
    Rs
     
  7. facilities

    facilities Guest

    Stood at the bar in my local Spoons & kept hearing this voice, nice shirt mate, like your shoes, that jacket really suits you, I asked the manager what’s going on, he said that will be the nuts sir they are complimentary :(
     
  8. facilities

    facilities Guest

    Also later on in the same Spoons this skeleton walks up to the bar & sez a pint of bitter please...........& a mop
     
  9. goldenboy

    goldenboy Super Member

    I went up to the fruit machine and it told me how bad my shirt was and how terrible I looked. Complained to the manager. He told me the machine was out of order.
     
  10. retiredsparks

    retiredsparks Super Member

    Englisman, irishman and scotman in a Bar.
    To us, thats the start of a joke..
    To an Iraqi...that's a hostage situation.
    ;)
    RS
     
  11. The Teach

    The Teach Screwfix Select

    The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
     
    Jord86 and WillyEckerslike like this.
  12. facilities

    facilities Guest

  13. The Teach

    The Teach Screwfix Select

    Wife says to husband, “You only ever want sex when you’re drunk.” Husband says, “That’s not true... Sometimes I want a kebab.”
     
  14. facilities

    facilities Guest

  15. retiredsparks

    retiredsparks Super Member

    Funny how that lot ended up being a right bunch of old porkers...
    Rs
     
  16. facilities

    facilities Guest

    Yeah RS know what you mean, the ladies can’t seem to keep their figures as well as us guys,;)

    Need to be a bit careful here or the keepers of the SF morals will be on our case for being sexist oldist & fatist with a touch of chauvinism (not sure if some of those words exist *but you get my drift)

    I did notice that one or two seems to be on an enforced absence but I guess normal service will be resumed soon, perhaps we can arrange a welcome back Brexit party no doubt though they will have their ankle tags on for a while

    Anyway that minds me while I am this far. “The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said *Did you get my drift?".:(
     
  17. Broon

    Broon Active Member

    Have you guy's heard of that new rap duo sweeping the nation:

    PJ & Drunkin
     
  18. facilities

    facilities Guest


    go on then, no o_O

    Also I may add in case you were not aware, statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarves are not happy
     
  19. Dr Bodgit

    Dr Bodgit Super Member

    But I bet Snow White is.
     
  20. facilities

    facilities Guest

    Steady now :rolleyes:
     

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