The joke thread

I got banned for posting that before!

 

Must be... the way I tell um

 

Oh, no disrespect meant, I'd edit but my edit button has vanished!

 

Should of said Liz Truss.

 

Liz Truss played Thatcher in a school play when she was, I think 6, this was apparently such a pivotal moment for her that she decided she wanted to be a prime minister.

Remarkably it would appear this was her only pivotal moment.

 

I did a good deed today.....

I was at Tesco and there was an old lady who was crying that she lost all of her money somewhere and couldn't pay for anything in her cart. I asked her how much everything in her cart was. She said it was £87.50. Like most people, I felt bad, so I gave her £100 of the £500 that I found in the car park.

 

Not surprised you did that as you do come across as the caring and thoughtful type.

 

Thanks mate

 

I would do the exact same...well £50 maybe!

 

Tight git, all the money you decorators earn

 

Pot and kettle come to mind here with you

 

Tibetan monk finds the face of Christ in a tub of margarine " I can't believe it's not Budda"

 

Actually, he would proably make it a loan!

 

With interest.

 

OK, Shylock!

 

I was at the library looking for a book on erectile dysfunction.
There was nothing on the shelves so I asked the librarian to do a search on her computer. She tapped the keys to her computer keyboard and said...
“It’s not coming up!”…
I said..”Yeah!…that’s the one!!

 

And....