There is a god

Discussion in 'Just Talk' started by tetleyman, May 20, 2011.

  1. tetleyman

    tetleyman New Member

    The Bath Springs is reopening on the 25/5/2011 never thought it would open again there must be a god the clever table will return i hope?
     
  2. tom.plum

    tom.plum Screwfix Select

    yes i booked in for next friday, chep ale and good crack's on the menu,  i think theres showder ale and free jack bit on't opening night,
     
  3. Death

    Death New Member

    I happen to be the new landlord for The Bath Springs Hotel and yes, you are correct in saying that complimentary food will be available (in the form of rhubarb canapes, racing pigeon satay, smoked whippet testes, ect) but I feel that I must inform you that any potential customers with strange northern dialects will be duly escorted from the premises by my two rather nasty doormen.
     
  4. tom.plum

    tom.plum Screwfix Select

    tha gooin come a croper then mr death when the doers open and 50 burlin rugby player types *** flyin in 'n ask fer pint o cookin an a babies yed, if tha cornt serve um in 5 seconds they'll down thee faster than a small whishey then chuck thee in 't cut (canal). but anyrode hoe tha enjoys thee time as 't new landlord.
     
  5. tom.plum

    tom.plum Screwfix Select

    *** = cume  -e
     
  6. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    Yep Tomp, beware. Death's doormen used to be bouncers at Mothercare.;)
     
  7. tom.plum

    tom.plum Screwfix Select

    and tha stick thee rhubarb canaries, we want proper jack bit, pey soop, bacon ribs or tripe thaaa knerrrrs
     
  8. tom.plum

    tom.plum Screwfix Select

    don't worry john , we'll make um bounce alreet,
     
  9. Death

    Death New Member

    On Fridays, we will be offering puréed babies yed sautéed in ferret lard together with a pickled tripe jus served in a mushy pea lined cloth cap, with a side salad of pig's trotters all for a mere £24.95 so don't you worry yersens.


    Btw, the beer engines are purely decorative. A selection of locally sourced nettle wines and bottled, filtered cut water should adequately quench the thirsts of those with necks as dry as a nun's gash.

    What do you think, JJ, honeynads?
     
  10. joinerjohn1

    joinerjohn1 Screwfix Select

    Well Death, with a menu like that, I can see you'll soon be attracting a discerning clientel (although quite why you want to attract Clinty, I don't know tha knerrs) Not sure about purely decorative beer engines though, but the locally sourced nettle wines, should sell a treat. Perhaps you could have guest wines now and then, perhaps a local elderflower or parsnip wine and brambleberry (when in season though)

    Our local pub has an excellent menu, Locally sourced fishfingers (Asda's) , imported wild beefburgers (Waitrose) and the ever popular Surf n Turf (scampi on a bed of freshly cut grass) (depending on when the council mow the local verges though)
    Tonight at the local it's Disco Fever night with the perrenial Play yer Cards Right, Guess the Year and the meat raffle.
    Saturday nights is Kareu,,Keryo,,kario,, ,,,,,erm , Singalong night, with Bingo and Close the F'in Door (specially if it's windy)

    Real Carling on draught and Fosters too. non o that poncy Stella Artois or Guinness. The landlord sells a selection of bottled waters. The locals seem to prefer Eau de Lavatoir, although the Severno Trentus seems to go down a treat too.
     
  11. Death

    Death New Member

    Phwoarrrrrrrrrrrrr, JJ, woof-woof @ you.
     

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