When plumbers rule the world!

Discussion in 'Plumbers' Talk' started by bloop the gasman, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. bloop the gasman

    bloop the gasman New Member

    1, Anybody that paints pipe will be hung

    2, All carpets must end 2 feet from any wall

    3,All furniture must be at least 1 foot inside the edge of any carpet

    4, Any “can you just” or “while you’re here” extras will cost a surcharge of £800

    5, Cats that go under floors stay under floors

    6, All houses will be bungalows

    7, All flats will be built with a 6 foot void above the ceiling complete with flooring and lighting

    8, Boiler breakdowns to be in the hours of daylight weekdays only

    9, All baths will be fitted with the tap end in the middle of the room

    10,All flooring joists to be made like a the top of a castle wall with pre-cut pipe slots

    11, John Guest will be president (sorry the monarchy gets a council flat in a tower block)

    Any more ?
  2. tomplum

    tomplum Active Member

    tilers will be made to take off radiators, tile behind and rehang the radiators themselves,

    roofers be made to clean out gutters after filling with all thier shino.

    plumbers issued with flashing blue lights to get throu traffic

    plumbers vans allowed on yellow lines

    plumbers treated with the respect they deserve
    and the term..f'kin plumbers,,made discriminate.

    all programs featuring plumbers must show the good uns as well as the bad.

    big pay deals for the tst plumbers (time served tradesmen)
  3. oliver1234

    oliver1234 New Member

    Customers leave their house as soon as they have shown you where the tea and biscuits are and don't return until you have completed the job. They all pay in cash as soon as you completes the job.
  4. No free estimates for heating jobs,

    client posts a drawing of what's req; with a signed BLANK cheque.
  5. tomplum

    tomplum Active Member

    customers to be banned from talking about thier operations and medical problems,
  6. Captain Leaky

    Captain Leaky New Member

    All lofts will have ladders, wide openings and good lighting.

    Loft insulation will be banned.

    Sparky's and Chippies will be employed as Plumbers Mates and be trained in the fine art of tea making.

    Clearing blocked drains will be the sole responsibility of the householder.

    Payment in cash will be compulsory.

    Corgi will be abolished.

    Flueless gas fires will be abolished.

    Making good after DIY bodge ups will be charged at double rate.

    Dick Puller will be made President of the United Kingdom ;)
  7. Dick Puller

    Dick Puller New Member

    Dick Puller will be made President of the United Kingdom..................Can I not be King???

    But lads you forgot the most important thing; the totty housewives must put up a big sign in the bedroom saying 'KNICKER DRAWER HERE'!!!!!
  8. ally1957

    ally1957 New Member

    But lads you forgot the most important thing; the
    totty housewives must put up a big sign in the
    bedroom saying 'KNICKER DRAWER HERE'!!!!!

    Given up nicking them from the washing lines then ?
  9. myzeneye

    myzeneye New Member

    filthy flea ridden tenants should be thrown into a bath of bleach and dam buster then scrubbed for 1 hour with a yard, no, wire brush.
    any one who "tells" you what your gonna do with reguards to boots,dust sheets etc gets a can of expanding foam for lunch.
    puller for king, ally for his queen.

    [Edited by: admin6]
  10. fuctifino

    fuctifino New Member

    Semi deaf pensioners will all know how to use their heating programmer,and wireless room stat.

    Or am i being totally ridiculous now?
  11. heatyman

    heatyman Well-Known Member

    please, no!!!
    Replace with an analogue programmer and a dial thermostat. The clock is left on constant and they turn the knob up and down. You're paid for fitting and get a free programmer and room stat.
  12. Captain Leaky

    Captain Leaky New Member

    Customers would ask your advice - and then accept it!

    Following a plumbers van and asking" 'ave yer got any scrap mate?" would be punishable by firing squad.

    Cold water storage tanks would be the size of a matchbox and only expand to their full size when connected to the water supply.

    Hard water would be banished.

    Copper tube would never have sharp edges when cut.

    Knees would never have been invented.

    Hot solder would never melt expensive carpets.

    Blowlamps would be cool to human flesh.

    Smoke alarms won't go off when soldering.

    Traps would only contain crystal clear water.

    Plumbers Merchant staff would be genuinely interested in what sort of day you were having.....
  13.  ASBOhoodie

     ASBOhoodie New Member

    <u>bloop the headworker</u>

    go see your doc..I'm sure he/she can help you
  14. corky2904

    corky2904 New Member


    Imersion heater will release at first attempt.

    all lofts will be boarded and NOT be insulated with that itchy stuff.

    All customers must spend a day at tetley tea factory to learn how to brew up correctly.

    All products from merchants will not have parts missing when you get on site.

    Customers will not say "you must be loaded charging those prices" or " we dont get a lot of money were pensioners"

    [Edited by: admin6]
  15. Captain Leaky

    Captain Leaky New Member

    Why do "poor pensioners" always live in swanky bungalows , drive Mercs and then plead poverty?

    ...every whinge the price goes up ;)
  16. Gasleak

    Gasleak New Member

    The phrase "it's only five minute job" would be met with an instant £60 surcharge.

    All those people who say "I would do it myself, but I just don't have the time" would be able, in reality, to do it themselves but are actually too busy.

    Householders who claim that radiators that were working before you fixed their boiler and now are not would get a minimum 6 month prison sentence.
  17. Crowsfoot

    Crowsfoot Screwfix Select

    Ban the nightmare kids who follow you everwhere in the house asking you "what are you doing that for"?

    And also their parents who say to their naughty kid "don't you get in that misters way" as they follow you around!

    The "know it all" customer who used to be in the trade and up to now as always done his own repairs, yet he as no idea where his stop tap is when asked!

    Good thread this one, I can relate to almost all of these postings.
  18. sussexplumb1

    sussexplumb1 New Member

    All pipes to be run at a decent height of say 4 feet off ground

    Programmes introduced on TV called Rogue Customers etc

    All plumbing work made completely VAT and Income Tax Exempt

    Plumbers Merchants to adopt supermarkets advice 'if theres one in front we'll open a new checkout'

    Plumbers Merchant Staff to be knowledgable about plumbing.

    Anyone without carpets, multiple children/dogs Drink problems etc to be banned from requesting plumbing work

    TVs at customers houses to be tuned in to requested programmes and not left on MTV or teletubbies
  19. The Dormouse

    The Dormouse New Member

    Pigs will fly.
  20. Captain Leaky

    Captain Leaky New Member

    "OOOh, that's not what the other plumber said

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