The joke thread

Lineker has gone to seed I see

 

There's a magician with a parrot and he's booked for entertainment on the Titanic .
During one of his stints everything he does the parrot tells the audience its up his sleeve or behind his back and generally spoiling the illusions .
Then they hit the iceberg and sink .
Two hours later the magician with parrot are in a lifeboat .
After much thought the parrot says OK I give up where is it .

 

Why did the blonde take 18 friends to the cinema?

 

Why?

 

It was an 18+ movie.

 

I skipped the reading part and went straight for the opium pipe instead, far faster result !

 

What, "Groundhog Day"?

 

Nope, looks like sausages to me.

 

Posted teh picture of you about two months back: https://community.screwfix.com/threads/the-joke-thread.250807/page-23#post-2173637

 

Two women were sitting together without talking.

 

I thought you liked it so much I posted it again, just to remind you what this years trendy BBQ dress code is

Besides, I dont go that far back due to memory problems, now less chat and just tell me when my timber order will be sent !